Dating Russians – What’s Wrong with Russian Men?
Let me answer this question the way I see it: absolutely nothing. I find a lot of Russian men to be pretty great.
I’m in Moscow for the third time in two years, and prior to my first visit, here’s what I heard from numerous sources:
1.) Russian men are awful (behave badly and boorishly), which is why Russian women prefer American men.
2.) The ratio of Russian men to women is lower than most countries due to alcohol-related deaths so they are forced to seek husbands abroad.
3.) Russian women are “feminine” and accommodating and thus put their relationships with men first, over their careers.
So here I am, wondering: where are all the women who want to leave this country? Among the well-educated, employed women I’ve met, not a single one dreams of leaving.
Things are actually pretty good here if you have a decent job. More and more women have decent jobs. The men I’ve met (in the high tech sector, so admittedly more educated than average) are also smart as heck, quite funny, handsome and they’re hard workers. So where are the nasty ones who beat their wives when they drink? Maybe I’m only meeting the best guys, but it does make me wonder why more American women aren’t interested in Russian men. (See pg 168, chapter 11 of DFFP “Exotic Imports” for the benefits of importing a guy – link to the Kindle version here).
Of course I’m not surprised that some American men are interested in Russian women. The desire to be “in control” of a relationship, to hold most of the cards, is not gender specific. There are a lot of men (I’ve talked to a handful of them) who think that by “providing citizenship opportunity” to a more traditional woman, they are assured of never being abandoned. But one never knows what will happen until his or her green card appears (we all yearn for security in some ways…unfortunately, life is short on guarantees).
What’s funny is to read the blogs (I’m not going to grace them with a referral) in which men berate American women at large for being “too independent” and write, “this is the reason we prefer to go abroad”…[to meet] “more feminine women”. It’s an interesting idea of femininity (as if having a job strips a woman of hers, even though the whole idea of a woman “not working” is completely alien to our nature as Gatherer-Hunters – the girls who didn’t work didn’t procreate either – DFFP pg 51), but everyone is entitled to their opinion. If he doesn’t mind being the sole breadwinner (seems like a lot of stress during layoffs!) and yearns for a relationship from that short time in American history called the ’50s (right after Rosie the Riveter hung up her apron), he’s better off with a woman who is desperate to come to America. I say, let him go, who needs such a whiner anyway.
But – on a bright note – if these men are right, American women may find Russian men to correspondingly more “masculine” than many American men. In my experience it is true that they tend to be quite chivalrous – they open doors, allow women to go first, help female strangers with luggage. I admit, I find this refreshingly charming. Most of them also expect to be the main breadwinners, although the youngest generation presume their wives will also work at least part of their lives.
As far as gender ratios go, Russia isn’t unnaturally skewed. They have .92/1 males to females (between the ages of 19 and 62). And anyway, if Russian men did suddenly start losing large numbers of their women (to all our wonderful American men) one thing is certain: eventually Russian men would either change their behavior or die off. (Russia is about 50% as populous as the US, so even if only 1% of women want foreign husbands, that’s 1.45 million women. On an internet dating site, this can seem like a lot.)
In summary I have to say that it seems a lot of people are buying into they myths being pushed to insecure American men by sites who make a lot of money getting men’s hopes up about all the “beautiful Russian women” dying to meet them. I’m sure there are some. But this is no different than the hordes of handsome Egyptian men seeking “Desperate American Housewives“. These opportunities are available to either gender – basically to anyone who’s willing to profit from the economic disparities between countries. I’m not knocking it, but it’s utter hubris to think this opportunity doesn’t cross genders. If you do it, don’t be shocked to end up divorced a few years later and please see the aforementioned section of Dating for Fun and Profit for some helpful pointers.
best,
cj